NINE

Nine the movie is nothing close to Nine the Broadway musical which was sexy, sophisticated and had a beautiful score, Nine the film is a bore, sleazy, terribly sung with hardly any of the original songs and the new songs are awful. When will Hollywood ever learn that with a musical the music is most important and good actors that can’t sing well enough doesn’t cut it. Why bring in a completely different composer to add a lot or pointless incidental music when you have a gorgeous original score? That’s just one of the lethal problems of the film of Nine.

The film forces a boring meandering screenplay upon the sophisticated musical. It goes in and out of realties without rationale. We follow an unlikable protagonist as he does nothing, least of all make movies.

The other main problem is Daniel Day-Lewis who is so overwrought in every scene and makes himself look as terrible as possible, his Guido is such an unappealing person that when the women all throw themselves at him you don’t believe it’s for love, they’re turned into opportunistic whores. He unacceptably sings his number while climbing on a jungle gym (what the hell?).

The saving grace is Penelope Cruz who gives the most honest performance in the film. Kate Hudson is peppy & fun but sings an embarrassing MTV stae-of-the art number the encapsulates this whole trite mess. Maianne Cotillard has a nice singing voice but has nothing to do. Sophia Loren is completely wasted and given the worst song possible. Fergie has a great voice but has an odd cliché of a character, like the whole film.

Everything in the film is so bombastic, Mr. Marshall needs to learn that less is more. Copying Bob Fosse’s All That Jazz and Cabaret but without the sensuality and pizzaz. The choreography is ludicrous, there’s a number with sand that is laughable. Nine the film is an embarrassment for everyone involved. Italian suave sophistication is not on display here. Listen to the beautiful Broadway cast recording and ignore this awful film.